As if this post couldn’t be more annoying, I went ahead and did THAT title. Let me start out by apologizing if you are reading.
In professional life, you never start out a presentation with an apology. It’s a terrible habit, and ruins whatever you are about to show.
But I AM sorry.
The great thing about the internetssszz is that you can just simply close the page without as much effort as it takes to scratch an itch. So lucky for you, no one is forcing you to read the details of my day.
For the two of you left, what I have done is record in notes and pictures (via my iPhone) a typical day for me (29 weeks pregnant with boy #2) and Benton (a happy little toddler of almost 19 months). Moons is a cat. Schween is too, but she seems to have less impact on our day. J is Justin. He is my husband who works full-time as an attorney here in Chicago.
I have done this exercise maybe two other times since B was born. This will be my last recording of The Minutes with one kid. I want to look back on it in a year and see how different things are.
The day that was recorded was pretty typical and low key. Sometimes we go to the museums or aquarium instead of the park. Or a play date with friends. Sometimes we go out to lunch. And this day happened to include one of the longest naps he has ever had. So that part is not really normal. But he is generally a good 2 hour napper. Sometimes we eat up at the table, and sometimes dinner is in the living room. To some of you, this day may seem luxurious. Others I’m sure will want to sleep after reading it. It’s all relative, eh? Life is nutty.
The Minutes from 1.29.12
4:30 B hollers and I go to his room and lay with him in hopes that we can sleep until 6 or 7 if it is a good day. B settles down and dozes, and I am awake because I am in the 3rd trimester and suffer from pregnancy insomnia and other sleep problems.
6:24 He’s up for real. He starts immediately jabbering and walks out of his room down to the kitchen as I follow. I make coffee, feed B cheese and berries while making oatmeal. I feed the cats, pour coffee, go downstairs with B, turn on WGN morning news, get out the tubs of little cars and animals, do a diaper change, and we share oatmeal.
6:53 Oatmeal w/strawberries is gone.
6:54 B gets all the balls out. He seems to be trying to poop. More coffee. I throw away the nighttime diaper, put breakfast bowls in sink, and B plays with baby doll.
7:00 Second cup of coffee is poured. I spill half ‘n half, note that living room was clean a moment ago, B babbles and names animals, then he throws football at coffee.
7:10 I attempt to check for poop. There is poop. I take off his jammies and change his diaper while he is holding an elephant. I note that his gums are swollen in several places. I throw away poop diaper in garage, drop off jammies in the washer on way. B chases me back upstairs holding football, says MORE DADA and tries to get into the master bedroom. I put his real pants on and wash my hands. B brings his stuffed puppy downstairs and shares it with his baby doll.
7:15 Coffee is chugged. Milk sippy is chugged. He spills some milk and says “oh no.” I clean up milk and lay out puzzles on the coffee table. B cheers for sports cast highlights on the morning news.
7:25 B plays ball and trains and I watch and name animals and say yay. I delete the bad photos I have taken so far and finish coffee. Check twitter and make a mental note of who is awake and textable. B looks through his books. I have to go to the bathroom so I take all the puzzle pieces out and lay them on table to attempt to go alone. I drop off my empty coffee cup in the kitchen. Moons jumps on my lap while I’m on the toilet. Very typical. I get a glass of water for me and water sippy for B. I drop off the sippy on the downstairs coffee table while B shows me a truck and calls it a “big car.”
7:37 I note my lack of socks. I go upstairs to search for socks in the dark and I get the dirty laundry out. I wrangle Moons and B away from bedroom. I sort the laundry by throwing it over the upstairs railing. B is whining and weird. I give him forest animals and a number tin. I help him open the tin a million times. Then I start laundry downstairs while B un-sorts the piles of laundry. He throws little balls up the stairs.
7:50 All the balls now get thrown back down and then he delivers the forest animals to me. Major whine. Odd. Pooping again? I hold him in my lap.
8:01 Justin opens the bedroom door and asks me if I will pick out his clothes. B yells DADA! Runs! Hugs dada, flops onto our bed, finds a ball for Moons and starts to play, and then weighs himself. I pick out J’s clothes and make the bed. J gets in shower. I pick up socks and discarded clothes and throw them over the railing. B yells and grabs his belly (what?!) and then starts to play with the toys in the bedroom. I hide the baby monitor from his reach, remove cough drops and jelly beans from J’s side of bed, and take water glasses off the side tables. OMG why is B whining? He really isn’t a whiner.
8:10 I pick up the dining room toys B was playing with during the earlier clothing sort, return the empty laundry basket to closet, tell Moons no when she tries to climb closet shelves.
8:15 B asks for more at that at kitchen baby gate. I start scrambled eggs and give him pretzel stick in mean time. Moons and B chase each other while I make eggs. J emerges from bathroom and I get my first text of the day from Erica! I chug water, apply chapstick, text Erica about poops and sleep while cooking eggs. J and B talk in bedroom, “tell mama thank you for the pretzel.” I put the eggs in freezer to cool for a bit.
8:23 I open oven instead of dishwasher to unload…? I throw J empty Target grocery bags so he can scoop the kitty litter downstairs. I smell poop. Poop check. Weird poops. I change another diaper and apply Butt Paste to B. There will be no more kiwi today. I take diaper to garage dumpster, pick up half eaten pretzel from the bathroom floor, wash my hands, and chug water.
8:35 I talk about weird poops with J. He asks about dry cleaning, hugs B and leaves for the day. I put B in his high chair to eat eggs. I return to the kitchen to unload the dishwasher. B finishes eggs and plays with his bowl. I go back over to feed him yogurt. I wipe him up, clear his dishes and wipe the table. We have a brief stair cuddle and he seems happier after the weird poop. I drop off sippy back to coffee table. B makes a moo cow request.
8:45 I go upstairs to pee. Everyone follows. Moons, B, and moo cow. B locks us in.
8:49 I return to the dishwasher and finally finish unloading. I realize it is suspiciously quiet. I check, but nothing weird is happening in the living room. I load dirty dishes into the washer, and chug water. I add cat food, dish soap, and eggs to my shopping list app. I note smell of horrid wet cat food. I add a candle to the list. I round-up all the drinking glasses and a colander from last night’s bath time and add them to the dishwasher. I wipe down the counter and stove top. I spy a tiny bit of coffee left in the pot. Drink.
9:00 I tidy up the living room while B plays basketball, drop my phone for the 4th time, and start the second load of laundry. I retrieve balls from downstairs. I note my hate of the laundry room and add it to the nesting list. Drop phone.
9:13 Chug more water. More chapstick. Pee again. I toilet text and check twitter. I listen to B play with a bouncy ball in living room. Moons and B run upstairs. He comes into bathroom saying “vroom car. Halp.”
9:19 I say “Elmo” and B runs to the bedroom. I shut and lock the master bedroom door. I play a YouTube playlist of 34 classic Sesame songs while B and moons hang out and watch. I keep the bathroom door open so he can come in if he wants or I can poke my head out to see him. Today is not a shower day. I note that the towels and rug need washing, then spray the shower with Method daily shower cleaner. I wash my face, delete bad photos from the day, and notice a lot of pelvic pressure. B playing with toys on the bed and chewing on his fingers. So much teething. I lay on the bed and B tackles and snuggles.
9:45 I answer my email via phone while B puts a sand shovel in my mouth and then brushes my hair with a fingernail scrub brush. He requests water so I go downstairs to drop off towels in laundry room and get his sippy.
9:50 I pee alone, wipe down bathroom countertop, apply makeup, then drop phone. B comes to ask for help with a monkey toy as I apply mascara.
10:00 I apply belly balm and get dressed and then re-string a necklace. I note my hate for the messy jewelry drawer and add to my nesting list. B steals a bracelet from the drawer. I clean my earrings that I wear every day with an electric toothbrush. I’m hungry and thirsty,
10:15 I turn off YouTube and make sure bathroom cannot be infiltrated by Moons or B. I take the water sippy back down to the living room.
10:19 Chug water. B asks for cheese so I cut up cubes and put them on the baby gate. I steal a couple for meyself. It’s grapefruit time. B tries to wake up moons while I race to eat by myself. I get threes bites before he comes to eat half.
10:28 I load more dishes, B plays with moons, and I remember that I haven’t touched my hair. I turn on my straightener for the bangs, B offers me a sheep and a dolphin. I add bread, gold headband, and breakfast sausage to the shopping list. I pick up B for “I love yous,” then he goes to brush moons with a baby comb.
10:38 I pee again while B tries to climb on my lap, then I quickly brush my hair and put it in a ponytail.
10:42 I get pretzel sticks for me and actually sit down on couch. B steals two, and I finish my email via phone while B and Moons play.
10:45 B breaks forest friend because he was driving it like a car.
10:49 Forest friend glued. B says “oh no” 102838 times and the fixed deer is placed on high self.
10:50 I get the pile of J’s clothes that need dry cleaning. I tell B we are going and he pounds on coat closet. He wants to put slippers on. I put on his shoes and coat. Today he hates the coat. I put him in the stroller in garage.Then I grab my coat and shoes and the dry cleaning in a big Ikea blue bag. There is a very narrow passage out of the garage. I walk carrying the bag. B yells with excitement at the cars and birds.
11:15 Dry cleaning drop off. B talks about birds and cars to the lady. J texts to say I can make beef jerky if I want.
11:20 We arrive at Trader Joes, I give B sample cups to play with while I shop. I use the stroller as a cart.
11:30 Pay, leave and walk home. Hang bag on Mommy Hook. I have to pee. Pelvic pressure.
11:43 We enter via the garage. I unhook the grocery bag and drop it off inside the door. I get B out of stroller and let him in, and take his coat off, he demands bread that he can see in the grocery bag. I unload the groceries while he eats heel of the loaf of bread.
11:48 Peeing. I am locked in bathroom with B and Moons again. He asks for more bread.
11:50 I heat pea soup, chill B’s soup in the fridge while seasoning mine. He demands more bread. I give him strawberry instead. Then he asks for bread again. He eats that while I finish lunch and put more things in the dishwasher.
11:58 We eat lunch at the table. I check twitter. B says Mmmmm.
12:03 B says all done and claps his hands. He is a pea soup disaster. I wipe his hands and face, remove his shirt and add it to laundry room pile. I get a new shirt for B, finish my soup standing, clear dishes, load dishwasher, and wipe table. B finds a random discarded pretzel stick.
12:10 I change B’s diaper while singing songs, find a kiwi seed in odd place, text J about the seed, update my notes and B crawls all over me and says “no no no no,” then calls for Moons and gets her a Moons ball.
12:17 I put new wipes in changing area, add soap to dish sponge dispenser and B plays ball in the living room. I retrieve a forgotten sippy from stroller diaper bag, pick up other unloaded garage sippys and add them to the dishwasher. I steal a piece of J’s candy. It’s super gross.
12:28 The laundry loads are switched out and the first basket is up for folding. I sit in window folding while Moons bathes on the clean piles. B brings a book over and I read it while he turns the pages. One rips and I tape it. He wants his shoes and socks off and then plays cars while I return to folding.
12:53 The laundry is put away while B is playing ball in the living room. I pick up random stuff upstairs and books that have been pulled off shelf, return laundry basket to downstairs and B steals it. Sit down and he climbs up to snuggle and show me a football. Moons arrives and B leaves to play with her and a string. I check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
1:00 I ask B if he wants to nap with his puppy. He brings puppy upstairs and goes to his bedroom. I pee, wrangle cats out of room, put socks on him, hand him a book, and fill a bottle with water. I lay with him and read one book, then he asks for water and I turn light out. I lay next to him. My back hurts. 1:15 he is out. I attempt to sleep next to him but I am too uncomfortable. I leave.
1:20 I chug water, apply chapstick, take pants off, lay in my own bed, turn on video monitor next to the bed and attempt to get comfortable. Someone opens and closes their garage eight times and slams car doors in alley while the baby kicks me.
1:32 I fall asleep after ten more minutes.
2:00 B is sitting and crying. This was too short of a nap so I go in and lay with him. He falls asleep with his hands in my shirt.
2:38 I check twitter. My back hurts. I check FB and update my status, organize photos from day, check weather and it looks like we can go to park. Weirdly warm.
3:10 Leave B’s room to pee. I note that the cats are still napping. I do not flush during a nap. I put pants, socks, and slippers back on, remake my bed, and hide the baby monitor.
3:12 I chug water in the kitchen, start tea in the electric kettle, eat a couple of ginger thins, tidy up living room and bring balls upstairs from basement.
3:20 I pour tea. We are now entering bonus nap territory. I eat more ginger thins and add whipped cream and half ‘n half to make the chai tea seem real.
3:27 I put last load in the dryer. More hate for the laundry room. Then I sit down on the couch to fold.
3:40 I start to worry about how long his nap is and make a mental note to really wear him out at park for a smooth bedtime. Then I text Justin a nap update and park plans.
3:50 I text Erica about mourning the loss of my own ability to nap, drink more tea, eat a banana, eat a honey wheat pretzel, and put away laundry.
4:04 Concern over the crazy long nap grows. I pee, flush the toilets, text, post to IG, consider making jerky, but don’t want to be caught in the middle of meat slicing when B wakes.
4:08 I heat breakfast sausage for after nap snack. Also add strawberries, ginger thins to a plate.
4:15 The door opens and B walks out. I ask if he had a good nap and if he wants a snack. He takes my hand and pulls me toward the kitchen. I put him in his high chair to eat and he is happy.
4:19 It’s getting dark so we need to hurry. B says mmm after each bite and also “No, Moons.” He seems to be pooping in the high chair. I text Justin about naps, B leans in for kisses, calls Moons with clicky noises, continues eating and pooping, requests songs, points at things and wants me to tell him what they are, and makes silly eating faces. Longest snack ever.
4:31 He signs all done. I get him down for a poop check, then change diaper, sing Pop Goes the Weasel and he adds in the “pop.” I drop off the diaper at the dumpster in the garage.
4:36 I pee and chug water. Alone! B throws balls downstairs.
4:40 I ask if he wants to go to park, he says “go go go” and sits in my lap for shoes. He asks for help with dinosaurs…? We get coats, hats, and a football. I put him into stroller the stroller.
4:45 We leave for the park. B points out the real moon in the sky for first time. He yells “choo choo” at the Metra. I text J about the moon discovery.
4:50 We arrive at the park. He stalks big kids, holds football at all times, runs the ramp, fall on slush, talks trucks, digs in wet sand, watches the seesaw, yells “choo choo,” eats sand!?!, slides, does stairs, shares the football, moves little chairs around, kicks a found soccer ball, swings, and climbs.
5:38 I get B into the stroller and leave because he was asking for a hat and a snack. I give him a water sippy to chug.
5:44 We are home. Coats and shoes are taken off and put in closet. I wash our hands. B wants to brush his teeth.
5:47 J says he is leaving the office.
5:50 I pee, put away more clothes in B’s room, and chug water. B yells for a banana but doesn’t actually want it. I eat banana and a strawberry, he asks for cheese, I preheat oven, dump preseasoned Brussels sprouts into pan and add butter, and pick up random stuff in living room. B plays ball then I put the sprouts in the oven and set the timer.
6:03 I bring the last load of laundry up. B throws all his balls downstairs.
6:05 J arrives home. B yells about balls while J takes his shoes off and throws all the balls back upstairs. I fold clothes and towels and put them away. J changes to sweats on and sits down. J plays catch with B. Then plays mini basketball.
6:18 I check on the oven sprouts and heat the foreman grill. I cut pork loin that was roasted the night before and assemble sandwiches for pressing. There is massive wrestling noise down stairs.
6:35 I assemble plates for B and J and drop them off in the in living room. They are watching 30 Rock.
6:38 I bring my own plate down and eat. B eats pears and turkey and steals our sandwich crusts.
7:00 J turns on the Bulls game and B watches and plays basketball with J.
7:08 J brings plates up and puts them in dishwasher. I start cleaning up the kitchen. I deliver more pears and a milk sippy to table, pour vinegar down the disposal, and wipe the counters.
7:17 I give J water and a vitamin, take my own vitamins, then accidentally pour water on myself.
7:19 B brings J a book and the tv is off. I chug water in the kitchen, finish cleaning up, and start the dishwasher.
7:24 I lay out pajamas while J reads another book to B downstairs. He yells up for me to start the bath. They read a dinosaur book.
7:25 I run the bath.
7:27 Feed cats.
7:30 B has bath time with J in charge. There is brief toddler nudity in the living room. I clean up the living room, turn the major lights out, deliver teething meds in bath, pee, and grab the baby lotion. J drops off B in the bed wrapped in towel. I lotion him and sing You are My Sunshine, Goodnight Benton, Twinkle Twinkle little star, and the Rainbow Connection. J fills the humidifier and gets me butt paste for B, and fills his bedside water bottle. I put B in an overnight diaper and footed pjs while singing. I set him up on pillows with his monkey and puppy, we read a book about a new baby coming, and then say goodnight and bye bye to the book. I say “it’s sleepy time now, mama loves you.” I put the book under bed so he doesn’t slip on it if he climbs out.
7:52 Lights out. He turns on his side toward me and has his puppy to spoon. He asks for water then drinks for minute and hands it back. I put it the side of the bed. He lays silently and blinks. He tries to scratch at my chest and I tell him no and hold his hands near puppy. He blinks slowly until 8:03 and then falls asleep. His hands rested on my shoulder. I catch up on the notes I have been taking and while the baby in belly kicks. My back and neck hurt.
8:09 Heavy sleep breathing and little muscle jerks are happening as he falls deeper asleep. I check in on twitter but don’t say anything.
8:14 It’s time to extract myself gracefully despite a huge belly. My neck muscles are on fire. I remove his towel and lotions from the room and creep out slowly. I close shower doors in the bathroom and kick moons out.
8:20 I pee, turn on the video monitor in our bedroom, change into pjs, wash my face, brush my teeth, and apply oil and lotion to face and belly.
8:36 I pee again. Not kidding.
8:37 I convince J to let me use computer to get my photos off the phone, he is not thrilled at all.
9:23 I’m still using computer because it was broken and then the sync took way longer than I thought it would.
9:30 I’m done with the photo transfer. Bah! I go up to my computer in our bedroom and make a quick slideshow with unedited iPhone pics from day.
10:36 Done. I take Tylenol PM, drink water, pee, put more toilet paper in our bathroom, and lay in bed with 4 pillows. I hope that B doesn’t wake too much in the night and prepare for 4am move to his bed.
10:44 Lights out. Baby is moving a lot.
10:58 counts how many times I peed today (13?). I text J this number.
11:00 I close my eyes and fall asleep sometime later.