A Feeling

There are no pretty pictures to illustrate this post, but let me try and describe the scene for you:

As I sat in my cubical, surrounded by twinkle lights and stacks of marked-up designs that I needed to work on, I found my mind wandering. I swayed my hips hula-style on the exercise ball I recently commandeered from a hot blonde coworker that doesn’t have a rapidly (and painfully) widening pelvis. I took another bite of peanut butter from my spoon and slowly stretched my  lower back while contemplating the extraordinary typing speed of my cube neighbor, Jess.

“I am eating peanut butter directly from the jar over here,” I yelled over the barrier.

“As you should be,” she reassured. She is very supportive of my caloric intake. I love her.

As I continued to munch on the glorious Jif, my mind wandered into my unknown future. Sometimes I wonder why I am not more stressed out. I mean, I am the only fully employed person in the house at the moment for one. Although this may soon change, I am not worried at the moment. I just have a good feeling about it, and am not freaked out in the slightest. Talk to me in a few months and maybe my tone will change, but right now I am freakishly calm.

I’m not one of those soon-to-be moms that’s been nesting in her new house or condo for the last few years ever since she got home from the honeymoon. I don’t have a mortgage, a nursery or even a clue where we will live come this Memorial day. But somehow, I’m not concerned. Good feelings.

Car? Nope. I need to get one of those sometime. I can’t say I am totally calm on this one but lets just mark it down as “OK” feelings.

Although I am lucky to have a great group of friends here in the city, no one in the core group is a parent yet. I admit to sometimes stressing about being the first one in our local circle to start a family. I wonder if my girlfriends will still like me when I am a mom or if we will suddenly have little in common. I also wonder if I will meet any new mom friends that will be my buddies as well. That would be great. I will try to have good feelings about this part as well.

The Birth with a capital “B”. Being a curious person by nature, I am over-researching. I am reading books and trolling the internet for birth stories. At the risk of appearing creepy, I confess I did this even pre-pregnancy. I just wanted to be informed. The main take-away from all the research comes down to a fairly simple idea. I can approach my labor and delivery with my plan and preferences, but in the end the best plan is to just let go. To let my body take over and try and let my mind take a backseat for once. It may not go perfectly, but I have a good feeling about it.

Actually being a parent. Of course I have my anxieties about it, but they are overshadowed by excitement at this point. And I am positive that Justin is going to be an amazing dad. Thinking about it makes my heart want to burst. I have to squeeze something really hard to divert energy and ensure that said bursting doesn’t actually occur. GOOD FEELINGS.

Don’t get me wrong about all this non-stress stuff. I am not blissfully unaware of the changes and challenges that will occur. And I am not about to approach parenthood without preparation. I am doing my research for what it is worth. But freaking out? No. I refuse. Everything is going to work out just fine. I just have a good feeling.

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3 responses to “A Feeling

  1. good feelings are…good. There’s no need to freak out. Enjoy where you’re at and let the future take care of itself. When you get there, you may freak, but just a little…

  2. i love this post, you and peanut butter too. and i just typed this really fast.

  3. ❤ you always, before and after baby of course! we'll help you as much as we can 🙂

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