I wrote a whole post last night and then decided to go to bed before it was really finished. Because I am tiiiiirrrred. Obviously. Anyone with a newborn is tired. I don’t really have much more to say on that topic because it is kind of given. Although somehow I am not as exhausted as I expected I would be. We are happy that he is a good sleeper. The only reason I am up at night is to feed him every 2-4 hours.
Which brings me to the next hard part:
It’s more difficult than the labor and delivery were for me. And we aren’t even having any problems. Baby Benton is a good eater, and he latches well most of the time. I haven’t had the pain that many women experience. My supply is fine. Everything is working perfectly which I am extremely grateful for. But somehow it is still hard for me even though everything is working well. I admire any woman who has struggled through any of the issues listed here yet still perseveres through them to feed her baby. Because honestly? I am not sure I would have the will to continue.
I’m sure I will eventually get used to this new demand on my body, and I know that newborns feed more frequently than older babies. I am also glad I can provide a custom meal that is healthiest thing in the world for my little guy. And it’s a fabulous bonus that breastfeeding is cheap and there aren’t any dishes in the sink.
But people, it is HARD. He feeds ALL THE TIME. It takes more dedication than I ever imagined, and I’m just not loving it like many moms do.
Will that change? For those of you that have been there before, did your attitude about it shift over time? Did you grow to love the experience? I don’t hate it or anything, I guess I was expecting it to be more of an incredible bonding experience and less like a shark feeding frenzy. Am I alone here?
I want so badly to love it, but I can’t fake that.
So is there any other hard stuff worth noting? Nothing directly related to the baby I supposed. But there is my weight. I’m feeling so bad about my weight for the first time in my life. I’ve always been a thin to average girl, and now I am clearly overweight. I gained 60 lbs over the pregnancy.
So, yeah. That sucks. I have already lost 26 of those pounds by doing nothing, and I am hoping the last half comes off with the help of some exercise and good eating. I plan to get serious after the 6wk post partum appointment.
My pelvis is also somewhat destroyed, and I need to get that fixed as well. I am still walking like a woman who is 46 months pregnant.
So to sum it up, I don’t even recognize my poor post partum body, and we are not friends. The goal is to be happy with myself again and regain some confidence about how I look. Because how I feel about myself physically is dreadful at best.
It is strange that I have never been more happy with my life as I am now, yet at the same time, I have never been so unhappy with my body.
So there you have it. My one month woes. Luckily the sunshine is way brighter than the clouds in my sky. I’ve got it pretty good. But it is safe to say that I need a little support from those who have been there before. Please tell me the dark spots will brighten.
Thanks in advance for being there for a fat and wobbly new mama with a baby stuck to her boob.
And just so this isn’t all sad, here is a picture of a belly button with eyes.