I’ve written about my problem with impatience many times. It’s one of life’s great struggles for me. Most of the time it is a terrible quality to have, as it mucks around with enjoying the present moment. Although sometimes it can be a good thing when I need to move something forward quickly.
In order to appreciate what I have at the moment, it often takes a conscious effort to remind me what I’ve already got in front of me. Frequent writing or photography will usually keep me mindful and reflective of what is here and now.
But for the first time in my life, I’m feeling effortlessly present.
Benton has made me realize how quickly time passes by. I am savoring each day I have with him when he is tiny. Why must he get big? Of course I am looking forward to his first laugh, his first reach for me, and a million other inevitable milestones. But with each new change, my heart aches. Because he is growing a thousand times faster than I can bear. The last month of my pregnancy ticked by slowly. Longest weeks of my life. But somehow the first few weeks of Benton’s life on the outside have gone by in the blink of an eye. It feels like he has been with us forever. And yet we just met.
I thought my impatience would cause me to long for the newborn stage to be over, because of how difficult I envisioned it to be. Now I want to pause each second of the day, so it lasts a lifetime. So excuse me while I go snuggle my tiny 9 lb baby before we are into the double-digit weigh-ins. He is just three feet from behind me right now, and I miss him.