Present

I’ve written about my problem with impatience many times. It’s one of life’s great struggles for me. Most of the time it is a terrible quality to have, as it mucks around with enjoying the present moment. Although sometimes it can be a good thing when I need to move something forward quickly.

In order to appreciate what I have at the moment, it often takes a conscious effort to remind me what I’ve already got in front of me. Frequent writing or photography will usually keep me mindful and reflective of what is here and now.

But for the first time in my life, I’m feeling effortlessly present.

Benton has made me realize how quickly time passes by. I am savoring each day I have with him when he is tiny. Why must he get big? Of course I am looking forward to his first laugh, his first reach for me, and a million other inevitable milestones. But with each new change, my heart aches. Because he is growing a thousand times faster than I can bear. The last month of my pregnancy ticked by slowly. Longest weeks of my life. But somehow the first few weeks of Benton’s life on the outside have gone by in the blink of an eye. It feels like he has been with us forever. And yet we just met.

I thought my impatience would  cause me to long for the newborn stage to be over, because of how difficult I envisioned it to be. Now I want to pause each second of the day, so it lasts a lifetime. So excuse me while I go snuggle my tiny 9 lb baby before we are into the double-digit weigh-ins. He is just three feet from behind me right now, and I miss him.

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4 responses to “Present

  1. Good for you, being able to really enjoy and savor these first weeks and months with your baby!
    I didn’t do this with my firstborn. Motherhood was a tough transition for me, and that first year just seemed to drag. I didn’t appreciate it like I should have. But now our fourth is just a few weeks old, and I’m glad to say I’ve learned to enjoy the newborn phase. 🙂

  2. You’re both having your own Happiness Experiment through Benton. As a mother, the memory of those days with my own son and daughter is still so precious to me. As a grandmother, there’s a sense of what they might have experienced as new parents. I’ve spoken to women in nursing homes about their birth experiences. They tenderly remember those moments and months with their new child with remarkable clarity. It’s one of life’s treasures we carry with us. And I’m so happy for you and Justin, and most of all Benton.

  3. The photos are beautiful and the words are poignant and wonderful. As a parent of a nine year old and a six year old I share your worry that time is moving too quickly and that they’ll grow up too quickly. Take joy in the moments and photograph them, cherish them, remember them.

  4. this is so sweet, megan. it is a catch-22, because you look forward to seeing the milestones, yet you want to put a brick on his head and tell him to SLOW DOWN ALREADY! that’s why you have more than one! 😉 i’m already nervous about this one since we know it’ll be our last … i’m going to try to savor every single moment while still taking care of the monster. it’s times like these i understand why people have 742 kids, though. 😉

    you’re such a good mama. xo

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