And then someone pulls up this post out of the archives? And is like “Senator Boley, is it true that one time you didn’t poop for 15 days in the summer of 2010?” Dear God, I hope he doesn’t hate me for this.
Before becoming a mom, I SWORE I would never post about baby poop. *hides*
For some reason, the internet has taken an interest in Baby B’s bowel movements, or lack there of. I have been doing a countdown (count-up?) for the last two weeks because at 6 weeks of age, he decided he doesn’t give a crap. Literally.
Since this is my first baby, I have not yet had the joy of becoming an expert of baby BM. I didn’t know that it is normal for some exclusively breastfed infants to space out their little baby poops for days and even weeks. After two weeks, it kind of needs to happen, or as a mom you just go crazy more than anything. because it’s just TOO WEIRD. Luckily he wasn’t acting uncomfortable and his belly wasn’t distended or anything.
Much advice has been thrown my way on the subject. Ideas for things for me to eat or drink to change his backed-up situation. Even things to make him drink. Thermometers in places where the sun don’t shine.
Then all of a sudden we were on day 15. And there are way too many emails in my inbox with the subject line “baby poop.” What is happening to me?!
The pediatrician recommended Fleets Infant Glycerin suppositories. There is no medicine in them, just a bit of goo to make things go. So this morning I got dressed up real nice and put the baby in a pretty silk sling. We rode the train for the first time together to get our supplies.
Once we were back at home and Baby B had his lunch, we went to the changing area to perform poopstravaganza 2010. I live tweeted it here:
So there you have it, right? All you need to know.
WRONG. I take a 30 minute break from Twitter to recover from the poopapocalypse (formerly poopstravaganza) and I come back to find multiple inquires for details on what went down. I guess “OMG” and “OHHHHHhhh MYyyyy” were not descriptive enough for the Twitterverse.
You administer the glycerin into clogged baby bum. Not nitroglycerin. (But it basically has the same effects.) The applicator makes it easy to do, so any silly new mom (me) can do it without peril. A surprisingly small amount goes a long way apparently.
Then you wait.
Then you text husband cute picture of said wait:
Then no more than 5 minutes later, the gruntasaur became the loudest gruntasaur you have ever heard. His little face looked up at me like “WHYYyyyyy? What is happening to me? Mom! What is going on?!?” My heart broke for my poor little guy.
I massaged his belly and then let him grip my forefingers with his little fists. He cried and then over-filled his large diaper with 8 days of baby poop. And not nice breastfed poop. RANK OLD MILK WEIRD POOP. I cleaned him up quickly without spilling it (yes–spilling) and got another diaper on and waited three more minutes. REPEAT. 7 more days of poop. RANK. GAG. The worst. It was just as dramatic as you would think it might be. No, there is not a picture. YOU’RE WELCOME.
Poor guy. I felt so bad for him. I don’t know how I will handle things when he is actually sick. It is so tough to see him in any pain at all. How do parents with chronically ill kids do it?
He quit crying immediately after I picked him up to tell him it was over, and he was going to be OK.
And then he was.