I have been thinking about writing this post for some time. But I am always afraid to hit publish. But after reading my friend Erin’s recent post, I am following her lead. I had a half-glass of wine (I’m a SUPER lightweight these days) and decided to write.
So here we go: Internet, I am happy. AND this motherhood thing is coming naturally to me.
There. I said it. *runs to hide*
So why do I feel so guilty about it? There are a lot of times during the day that I censor my updates because they are way too Pollyanna and syrupy. I feel bad for feeling good. I don’t want people who are having a hard time to become irritated with me or think there is something wrong with them if they are not on cloud nine. I don’t want to be kicked out of the new mommy club.
I fully expected the early days with my baby to be much more difficult than they are turning out to be. Everything isn’t easy, but it certainly isn’t a rough time around here.
Since I can remember, I have never been very good at knowing what to say when someone is having a hard time, suffered a loss, or experienced tragedy. It isn’t that I am insensitive, I just always feel at a loss for words. I don’t want to come across sounding fake, but sometimes the stuff I come up with to comfort someone just sounds lame. I envy those people who always know what to say. How do you learn such a thing? Can you learn such a thing?
I feel like I would be a better friend if I figured out how to articulate my empathy. I need to learn how to give better hugs, to be more of a feeler and less of a thinker, and to tell people how I feel about them. Especially the ones I love. I can write about these things just fine, but if you met me in person, it might be tough to know what exactly was going on. I don’t communicate my emotions very well in real life. This has to change.
So if we do meet, go in for a hug, because I need practice. And if you are having a bad day and I am having a good one, it doesn’t mean we can’t get along, right? I want to tell you that I am having a fabulous time, but I hate to sound like I ‘m bragging, so I might not say anything.
I am sure that there will be times when I am feeling like total crap, and need some love when you are feeling good. I promise not to hate your for being happy.
Please don’t hate me.