Obligatory Pregnancy Post

Um. I haven’t done a pregnancy post on here since I announced that we were having baby Boley #2. It was kind of dramatic start to things, but I am happy to report that it has been super easy since then. All the midwife appointments have been really quick and boring–besides hearing the heartbeat which is never boring–and I haven’t had a lot of questions or issues. I feel at peace.

Although I am excited to meet our second son, I am not incredibly anxious or impatient. Since I was lucky enough to have an uncomplicated delivery with Benton, I have a lot of confidence about the upcoming birth in April, so there isn’t much stress there. We already have the baby gear that we need for the most part, so I am not worried about all that. Things are just moving along smoothly.

I am SO HAPPY about this. Boring, or uneventful as I should say, is just fine when it comes to pregnancy issues. And don’t hate me, but I’m pretty much enjoying myself. I am 20 lbs less than I was at this point in the game last time, and I haven’t hit the tired phase of the 3rd trimester just yet. I am nesting like mad. Things have never been more clean around here and I feel good.

Things that I do wonder about are the day-to-day logistics of taking care of a newborn and a toddler. I know how challenging breastfeeding can be in the beginning, and I remember sometimes nursing for up to eight hours a day with B. So that is probably my number one anxiety with this baby. I just don’t know how all that will work, but I am sure we will figure it out.

I think I’m actually more excited about meeting this baby than I was with my first. Or maybe since I am less anxious about the unknown, there is more room for happy anticipation. This time, I feel more like I am waiting for a person then a baby if that makes any sense. A new family member.

I know each and every kid is very different and this one could be the complete opposite of laid back baby Benton. But I’m now equipped with a support system, some base knowledge, more patience, and a confidence that I didn’t yet possess when I was a brand new mom with B. I also have confidence in my partner and have the advantage of seeing him as a dad already. That is no longer a mystery factor. Justin and I are a good team, and we have our share of victories and losses just as any good team does.

I’m sure I will have more to say about this pregnancy, but for now, that is all the important stuff. Non important stuff? I really needed a lot of orange juice today and cleaned and organized every inch of the kitchen cupboards and pantry. NESTING ALL THE THINGS CLEANING ALL THE THINGS MORE NESTING MORE MORE MORE CLEAN.

If you don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you will likely stomp your feet now because I haven’t posted the obligatory belly photos on the blog. Apologies, apologies. I think all of them are iPhone pictures so far. Let me see if I can find some.

K, here you go.

21ish weeks

22ish weeks

23ish week comparison.

And my favorite shot so far. He is such a dear.

A TMI Story About Pee, Blood, and Tiny Life

I promise that this is a happy story although it may seem like tragedy at times. There is also some content that may gross you out.

There are two kinds of pee-on-a-stick pregnancy testers. The Eager Pee-er and the Cautious Optimist-pee-er.*

I am an Eager Pee-er. This means I buy packs of early detection sticks in bulk for cheap on Amazon. I don’t mind testing way before the time that is recommended and seeing a possible false negative because it is too early to pick up any hcg hormone in my system. No big deal, I will just pee again tomorrow! I realize this method terrifies the Cautious Opti-Pee-er.

When testing early, there is also the possibility of detecting a chemical pregnancy and then losing it a couple of days later when your period is due. This is when most miscarriages occur, and most women never know they were pregnant. This would obviously be heartbreaking to know about, but still I test early.

Last month, after a couple false negatives, a faint line positive line showed up on one of my tests! Though it was very light, I knew I was pregnant and became giddy. My plan was to continue to pee on the tests each day until the pink line became dark enough so that I didn’t have to squint to see it. I would hand Benton the positive test just before Justin got home from work. B would run up to Dada and deliver the news that we were becoming a family of four.

Best laid plans.

The second day that I saw a positive test, the line had definitely darkened. I became more excited and started texting pictures of the said test to close friends and discussing due dates.

Then I started bleeding.

SO much blood. Not the cute implantation bleeding that you hear about. Serious blood. So I lost hope and started to cope with the fact that I had been barely pregnant and was not any longer. Instead of announcing good news to Justin, I told him that I thought I was having an early miscarriage.

He was not super convinced that I had lost it, and said to just wait and see. I called the midwife, and there wasn’t much they could do. I was sad. More sad than I thought I would have been. I started to read about miscarriage on the internet and how common they really are. And I read a lot of hopeful stories about how sometimes it is easier to get pregnant right after a miscarriage because your body is all revved up to grow a baby. I was comforted by this.

Day three came. More blood. Should I pee again? I know that the hormone can hang around in your system for a bit even after losing an embryo. Hmmm. So I figured I would just keep peeing on the sticks until I saw the positive line lighten and disappear. So I peed on another stick. The line was DARKER. What?!

Day four. More blood. Hopes are low. Positive line darkens. I take Michelle on as my lab partner and she starts researching hcg and inspecting my pee tests with me via internet chat.

Every morning brings more hope, confusion, stress, and sadness. Every test gets darker. Michelle is emailed a new photo every day and we freak out. A week later, the bleeding has stopped. I request testing from the midwife office and they agree that I should do two blood tests. The first would be to see what my levels of hcg and progesterone are. The second blood test would be 48 hours later and it would reveal whether the hcg numbers were going down as they would with a loss, or doubling as they would with a normal pregnancy.

MORE STRESS AND WAITING. More lines darken. I am all consumed with confusion.

Eight days after I saw my first faint positive and started bleeding, I got a call from the midwife office. My hcg was doubling.

DOUBLING!

Progesterone was high. I was still pregnant.

What?

I don’t know. They still don’t really know what happened. If I hadn’t tested early, I would not have known I was pregnant for another few weeks, because I would have assumed that my period had occurred as normal.

The interesting thing that I learned from all of this is how many women experience bleeding in early pregnancy. Many people have told me their stories, and seems way more common than I would have thought. How awful if you are one of these women! The fear of loss is beyond stressful. I never bled a drop with B and was ignorant to these issues.

Sorry if you had to wade through all that pee and blood talk to get to the good part. I am announcing this pregnancy a bit earlier than the 12 week mark because I am not in an office anymore. I don’t see a reason to keep this a secret because if I do experience a loss, I will need support. Miscarriage happens, and I wish it wasn’t so hidden.

Yesterday, we got to see our new little one squirming around and waving those tiny nubbin arms and legs around. I am about 8.5-9 weeks now. There was a good heartbeat and no signs of anything unusual that would account for the blood. If all goes well, we will meet her in person sometime in mid-April. Although I would adore a little brother for Benton, I am quite sure there is a little girl in there and she is clearly a feisty lady already.

 

*Justin just reminded me of a third kind of pee-er. The kind that really doesn’t want to see a positive line. Ooops! The PLEASE NO-PEE-ER.

Baby B’s Birth Story

I probably have 45 minutes to write this before it’s time to feed the little man. (HA, 16 hours later I am finishing this…) So, let me try to gather my mama mind for a second and we will get started.

I am not going to write that apologetic line that is supposed to go here that reads something like “If you aren’t into birth stories, then stop here!” Because the world needs to hear more happy birth stories. If you are one of those who really don’t want to hear it, then I am sure you are smart enough to click away after seeing the title of this post.

But for those of you that are still here, this is how it went down:

Early Labor?

I had the day off work on Friday, and used it for nesting, nesting, and nesting. I was experiencing an energy surge that started up sometime on Thursday. I have heard of this energy as being a sign of oncoming labor, but didn’t recognize it at the time. I still had two weeks to go after all.

Besides nesting, I had a prenatal massage on Friday. It was extremely relaxing, and she didn’t do anything with accupressure points that one might think would send me into labor. She just set me at ease. I came home, finished the nursery, photographed and blogged it, then got ready for bed.

As I write this, I am realizing how many years ago last Friday seems. It’s unreal. Anyway…

I turned the last lamp out in the living room and as I walked down the hallway toward the bedroom, I felt a small gush, like I had peed myself. I was so irritated by this. I thought that on top of all the other uncomfortable things about the last weeks of pregnancy, I was going to have to wear adult diapers now. UGH.

It was 11 p.m., and I spent the next few hours trying to figure out what was going on with my bladder. For those of you who have only experienced birth through the wonderful world of Hollywood: When your water breaks, it usually doesn’t happen at a fancy restaurant filled with people, and there is not necessarily a huge puddle of water to make it obvious. So, I was not 100% sure that it was broken until about 3 a.m.

I hadn’t woken up Justin yet. I was just hanging out on my yoga ball in the living room with a towel and some wiser-than-I moms on Twitter. I am not sure why they were all up at the same time, but they had the joy of beholding my water break via the internet. How lucky.

I crept back into the bedroom and quietly informed Justin that I was possibly in early labor. He kind of believed me, and we both went out to the living room and hung out. We had some snacks, played on the internet, watched tv and haphazardly tried to time contractions. We were excited, but didn’t want to get our hopes up in case it wasn’t the real deal.

I’d been having cramps since 36 weeks and I was 38 weeks exactly when my water broke. The constant cramps I had been having for two weeks never really went away. Some of them just started to peak in the early hours of Saturday morning. But it was really hard to time the contractions since they weren’t well-defined, and there was no clear rest in between them.

We had taken a 6-week natural child birthing class, hired a doula, and were in the mindset that I was going to be in labor for many hours, and we wanted to spend most of those in the comfort of our own home. We were trying to avoid interventions if possible, and one of the best ways to do that is to wait until you are in good active labor before going to the hospital. If you can show up to triage at 7cm, you are in great shape for a natural birth that won’t mess with the hospital’s strict guidelines for how long you should be in labor. So that was our original goal. I figured we would head over sometime the following night.

I emailed the doulas around the same time I woke up Justin, and told them that I would call them in the morning if things got interesting. I did call them around 6 a.m. because that marks the hour that I was quite sure I was in labor. The contractions were obvious, and I was needing to concentrate to get through them. I laid on the couch and listened to a couple of songs on the birth mix that I made. I sat on the yoga ball and swayed my hips around. I closed my eyes and tried to find a happy place.

The doula told me that it sounded like I was definitely in early labor, but since I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before, I was supposed to take a warm bath to try and slow down the contractions so I could rest in between them. I was supposed to call her back in a few hours with any updates. Then she would head over to help support me when things got more serious.

So the bath? It didn’t really slow anything down. They actually were so intense during the bath that I had to start doing some kind of low humming/vocalization to get through them. Justin headed out to the store to get some supplies and coconut water for me, and I was alone for a bit.

I got out of the bath and I don’t really remember what I did after that. But within an hour, at 7 a.m., the other doula called, and Justin had to talk to her on the phone instead of me. She listened to me on speaker through a contraction and we decided it was time she headed to our house. She would be there in 45 min. 15 minutes later, Justin called her and told her to meet us in triage instead.

I just remember thinking that I was in early labor, and if it was things were that intense now, that I just couldn’t imagine getting into a car hours from then and making the trip downtown. I started to have some self-doubt as Justin rushed around to get the car ready. The elevator ride downstairs was a contraction. Pulling into the road was another contraction. The first pothole of hundreds began another. They were so close and so intense. I breathed and hummed through them while strapped into my seatbelt. This was the toughest part of the labor.

Lakeshore drive was clear of traffic, since we were on the road just after 8 in the morning on a Saturday. The sun was shining, and I was focused. I have to admit that my confidence about being able give birth at all, much less naturally was wavering. I didn’t realize that I was in transition at this point, and these feelings are common in this stage. It would have been helpful to know that I had already done most of the work. I was in the mindset that things were going to get MUCH more difficult.

I just mentioned that going into transition on Lakeshore Drive was the most difficult part. But then I forgot that I had to WALK INTO TRIAGE and answer some questions and be weighed and hooked up to some crap. That was the worst. The nurses there are used to sending people back home because a lot of the time they come in the second they feel a contraction and are barely dilated enough to stay. So their attitude towards me was kind of like “yeah right.” When they found a second between contractions to check me, they could see the baby’s head. I was at 9.5 cm.

9.5 cm! This was the most wonderful thing I could have heard at that moment. Then my doula walked in. Also an awesome moment. I went from having self-doubt and anxiety about labor getting exponentially more difficult, to feeling really proud that I had made it that far. I knew that the contractions I was feeling every minute or two were already as strong as they were going to get. And I was getting through them on my own!

Then I closed my eyes.

From that point on I was only vaguely aware of my surroundings. I opened them again and was in the Labor and Delivery room. I opened them again my midwife was there. I opened them to get into the water tub that eventually showed up. Time was like jello. All I knew was Jen, my doula was on the left of me, and Justin was on my right. They said the right things, held my hand, massaged me and offered invaluable support. There was never a hollywood moment of screaming rage where I want to kill my husband. It was quite the opposite. Justin was awesome.

I knew when a contraction was about to begin and I worked through it with rhythmic breathing that I hadn’t practiced before. My body knew what to do, and my mind was no longer in charge. My mind’s only job was to stay quiet and give everything up to a part of me that I didn’t know existed.

At some point, after getting out of the labor tub and back into the bed, I spoke one of the only words I had said since I arrived at the hospital.

“Push.”

They had asked me earlier if I felt the urge, and I couldn’t tell. I felt pressure, but didn’t know if that meant I was supposed to push. But then all of the sudden I just knew. Or my body just knew. There was really no question that it was the only thing on earth I wanted to do. So, push I did.

I was intimidated by this final stage of labor before I actually reached it. But when it arrived, I found it to be the best part. While contractions are waves you just have to get through, with pushing you can actually do something. It felt right, and I would hit a point during the push when the others in the room would say THERE! Hold that RIGHT THERE. And I could tell it was working. I knew the spot I was supposed to get to, and what a productive push felt like. They say I was pushing for two hours, with each contraction, but I couldn’t have told you if it was a half-hour vs 10 hours. I was really only aware of the present moment.

My mind did pop in to say, “Hey there, I REALLY don’t understand how this baby is actually going to come out. You are sure that actually happens? I just don’t see how that is possible.” My body told it to go back to time-out and do something else.

Then they told me to reach down and feel my baby’s head. I was told that my midwife was getting her delivery gear on. I am so grateful that was communicated to me, because now I felt like the end (beginning?) was near, and I could set loose my last reserves of strength. A sprint to the finish with energy you didn’t even expect to have at the end of a race.

One more contraction and my baby crowned. (Major burning then numbness for those of you who haven’t felt this). I waited for the next contraction and gave it one last final go. The next thing I know he was on my chest.  I HAD A BABY.

Benton James Boley was born at 12:28pm on Saturday the 10th. He weighed 7lbs 4oz and was 22inches long.( I haven’t had a chance to go through my real pictures yet, so here are some blurry iPhone shots from his first couple days. )

We are in love.

He was very alert for the next couple hours. And since he was born without any problems, I got to hold him skin-to-skin for most of the time, even as the midwife stitched me up. I won’t try to articulate what I was feeling at that point, but I hope you have held or will hold your own new baby on your chest at some point. Then you will know.

Before the labor started, I knew that I wanted a natural birth. This is very different from truly knowing that I was capable of such a thing. Because honestly? I wasn’t so sure I had it in me. All I knew for sure was that I had the power to at least try for it. That was all. When it was over, I still couldn’t believe I had done it. It eventually sank in, and I felt extremely lucky that everything went smoothly. Not everyone gets to actually go through with their birth plan. Things happen that are out of our control. But like I said, I was lucky. And now I feel like I can do anything. This is important for me as a new mom.

My baby is healthy, and my recovery has been going well. The endorphins and hormones that my body released on its own were an amazing elixir created by me just for me. I feel so good about the experience, and will likely do it again, (and again?). I can see now why people like homebirths, because UGH–that car ride. But maybe I will head over to triage a bit earlier next time, since I can now understand what my body is doing, and what stage of labor I am actually in.

Now we are in the midst of the 4th trimester. Much more to come on this I’m sure, but right now I just need to rest, eat, and feed my baby. It has been wonderful so far, although somehow against the odds, I have a slightly skinny baby. Who knew? This is stressing me out when I should just be hanging out with him and enjoying the early weeks when he is so new. But he needs to gain some weight, so please send fat baby thoughts my way.

Thanks for reading.

Nearly Finished Nest

What to see the nursery? It is pretty much done, minus a few things like adding some maps and globes and more black-out curtain panels that are clearly needed. The answer to “where did you get that” is most likely IKEA and Target. It is an incredibly budget-friendly space.

Ready? Follow me.

This is what you see when you enter. The glorious poo station.

Here is the frontal view of the changing area.

These are one of my favorite parts of the nursery. They are animal prints from Berkley Illustration. Click this photo to go directly to the Etsy Shop.

Pygmy Marmoset!

I love the changing "table" because it is clearly a nice sized dresser that will be with us for years. Top drawer? FULL OF TINY SOCKS.

Here is the lamp light that we will be changing nighttime diapers by. I imagine it will be kicked onto the floor. But it is cute now.

If you are standing by the changing area and turn around to face the opposite wall, this is what you see.

Ceiling entertainment. We will probably also add some crib entertainment accessories at some point I imagine.

The rug is two reversible runners from IKEA that I plan to hook together at some point.

Schwen approves.

Now we are in the corner looking at the fabulous window wall.

Hello.

These are for treasures.

Here is one of the MANY blankets we have for this little guy. This is made by my mom though. And it matches the walls so I love it.

This little rocker has appeared on Megagood before. It was my mom's when she was little, and then mine when I was a wee-one.

This was also my mom's rocking chair. I have no clue where it is from. But I will be spending a lot of time sitting in this scene.

Schween approves.

Home Stretch Happy

A few weeks ago, I was having trouble.

I don’t want to go into it too deeply, because I don’t know how to articulate exactly what I was feeling. But I can tell you that I was very lonely, on the edge of tears, and just plain stuck. Basically, I needed some courage and I found it. I also really needed to get to this home-stretch stage of my pregnancy.

I feel like I am becoming a better version of myself now. This is good news for me, Justin, and Baby B. As my due date approaches, I feel like I am going to burst. Not only physically, but mentally. I want to burst from the anticipation, love, and a million other new emotions that cannot be contained. My sense of humor is back. I have started to put myself out there, and have been rewarded suddenly and immensely with a lot of love in return. Funny how that works.

I do not fear my upcoming labor. My concerns with pregnancy and birth are upstaged by my curiosities of newborn care and how my new little family will bond together. I am just sooo very pregnant at this point, that I have come to trust it will all work out on its own. I am giving Brain a pregnancy break, and handing it over to Body to take care of.  Baby is what’s on my mind.

Is any of this making sense? Are these just the mad ramblings of an end-of-pregnancy-mama-to-be? Has anyone else felt this way?

Anyway, thank you all for being there for me. Whether you are with me in person or online. It has made more of a difference in my life than I can tell you. I am happy to report that I am hitting the “post” button with a grin on my face instead of  the tears that accompanied that button a short month ago.

I leave you with my hugenormous belly picture that my new friend Beth took last weekend. 🙂

The Most Unflattering Photos Ever

Before I get to the point of this post, let me just describe for you the scene in my bedroom.

Porpus just puked. Then she and Schween ate it. Now Porpus is bathing Schween in the sun. Enya is playing in the background and I am sitting on a birthing ball eating a popsicle. Something inexplicably smells like corn chips, but only I can smell it. I just looked through some old baby photos of myself that came the mail, which reminds me that there is a possibility that my child may be born with a reddish mohawk. Which would be kind of rad.

So about a million times a day, if I leave the house, I will be asked how I am doing. I’m not sure if people want the short answer or the real answer. Usually I just say, “good.” Sometimes “Meh.” or “Ehh.” IF they linger, or they are a good friend they will get the whole story, including the saga of my Shrek hands.

My hands and feet are in a terrible state. I was worried that I was going to go into the midwife this week to be told that my blood pressure was high. But all she said was to try drinking a ton of water (I do), and eat some watermelon and asparagus. But for the most part she just pitied me and said that life was likely to be horribly uncomfortable until after the birth. And also? My pelvic pain? Totally normal. Just my bones separating. Eegads.

So, asparagus and watermelon. That sounds pretty good. Since I hate complaining and not trying to do anything about the situation, I decided that I should look up some other foods that help with edema. I added tomatoes, celery, and grapefruit to the list. There are many more, but this is a good start.

And a pretty start at that:

One of these things just doesn't belong here, can you tell me which thing just doesn't belong...

LOOK at that hand. You are lucky no feet pictures are being uploaded. You would be puking along with my cats.

FAQ about the hands:

• WHY are they like that? Because I am pregnant. And it is July. And they just are.
• Does it hurt? Yes. Like arthritis in the joints and sort of like the skin will bust open at any moment. Like I have rubber bands around my wrists on a 110 degree day. I can’t open jars or make a fist.
• High Five!?! No.

On the bright side of things, this baby is full term tomorrow, my bags are packed, and we are really excited. I am ready to be done, but trying not to get my hopes up for an early delivery. I just want to meet him so badly. GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT, LITTLE ONE.

22 days to go.

Tiresome and Dangerous Beauty

In less than a month, I will be a parent. This being said, I have been actively seeking advice from any parent that will pay attention to me (in real-life and online.) I’m also reading books and taking classes, but I prefer to hear what worked for REAL people. With REAL human babies. Which I assume I will give birth to very soon. Although, if I have a litter of cats, I would know exactly what to do.

Here are a few examples of the advice (solicited and unsolicited) that I am getting from some wonderful moms and dads:

On Birth:

1. Take the epidural. Drugs are your friend. Don’t try to prove anything. Natural birth is crazy.
2. Definitely go for a natural birth. It is best for you and baby. Swim with dolphins during birth if you have to. Do chanting and light candles. Hospitals are evil.

On Feeding:

1. Breastfeeding is really hard. You have to be a saint to do it and some babies just won’t feed from mom. Supplementing or formula feeding is just fine. So-and-so grew up on formula and he is a brilliant scientist Olympian who rescues sea turtles.
2. You have to breastfeed. There is no other choice. And you have to do it within an hour of the birth. Breast is best. You should be comfortable enough to breastfeed in the nude on public transportation if you have to. It’s your right. If you have to supplement or use formula you should feel like a horrible mom. Good luck, you will be great!

On Sleeping:

1. Babies are loud sleepers. Put him down to sleep in the crib from day one or you will be sorry. And you will never sleep again.
2. You must co-sleep with your baby. Or with a bassinet near your bed. It makes night feedings so much easier. Or you will be sorry. And you will never sleep again.

On Help:

1. Make sure your mom is there right after the birth for at least a week. And don’t leave your bed. Friends and family will feed you, clean your house and take care of the baby in the first weeks. Don’t try to do too much or you will burn out and fall into post-partum depression.
2. Make sure you and your husband have alone time with the baby in the first weeks to help with bonding. Limit visitors. If you don’t, he will be over-stimulated and confused as to who his parents are. The family unit will crumble and then you will probably get divorced.

…

SO.

Maybe I am exaggerating a wee bit on some of these. Most advice I’ve received has been well-meaning. And I do like to hear about what worked and what didn’t from parents that have been through it already.

BUT:

Obviously there are different styles of parenting. Most people think they know best, which is probably true for their family. In fact, I’m sure that it’s near impossible for them not to do what they think best for their baby. But knowing what is right for my family? We will find out on our own when we get there. At least I know my options. Right and wrong can only be decided by Mom and Dad. Not by a neighbor, friend, grandparent, coworker, or woman on the street who is interested in my birth plan.

HOWEVER, there is one piece of advice nearly everyone has given me.

On the Home Stretch:

1. Get as much sleep as possible before the baby arrives. Nap, sleep in, sleep at work, sleep, sleep, SLEEP.

CURSES! I suck at this. I have never had a problem sleeping until pregnancy. But now, when I am supposed to be taking advantage of  sleeping in, I wake up with the stupid sun every morning in between 5 and 6. At least I am good with napping. Although napping at work is surely frowned upon.

An advantage to waking up this early is quietly watching the sun rise with one Schween Boley.

Can you see her in the lower left of the nursery windows?

Then we make our way to the balcony to start the day. She is in her signature Cooked Turkey position on the left.

Although it is gorgeous, this does become a tiresome way to start the day at 9 months pregnant when I should be “taking advantage of sleep” as they say.

Speaking of skies, we have had a billion thunderstorms in the Chicago area recently. This has made for some incredibly beautiful and dangerous looking skies. Last week, there were tornado warnings followed by a rainbow and some golden/amber colored light. My mom was driving WITH THE STORM from Chicago through northwest Indiana and into Michigan. Probably the worst time to drive ever. She’s fine by the way.

I really need to break down and get a tripod so I can take a photo that isn’t grainy. I stitched this rainbow together from some shots taken towards the east off of our balcony. Click any of these to view full size…and full grain 😦

Seriously, the sky was glowing. I didn’t change the color of that photo. See, here is what Alma captured in Oak Park.

And this next shot shows the storm from its backside. It was looming over northwest Indiana as my mom drove through, while most people were in their basements. Pretty, eh? But yikes for sure.

“Any Day Now?!”

I hear that or “You are ready to pop that baby out” about 10–23,140 times a day now. I can’t be too mad about it. I would think the same thing if I saw me waddling around. Although I wish I could answer with “Yep! Just minutes away!” Sadly, my answer is always “In July,” or “A month left!” Which is always met with pity and well wishes.

My belly is just really big. It is the largest in my birthing class, the most ginormous of the pregnant ladies at work, the most rotund of the red line train. People, what can I say? I make big baby houses. You may say to me “OH GEEZ, look how cute you are!!” But to answer the questions you aren’t vocalizing, yes I am most uncomfortable nearly all the time. Yes, I am pretty much ready to go. Yes, I have stretch marks. I don’t like being called big mama.

S T R E T C H MARKS. I’ve been happily and foolishly oiling my belly for months thinking I wouldn’t get any. Bah. They showed up in the last two days. HELLO. I’m just getting used to the idea of having them, and Justin is being very sweet about the new development. He said that if he got scars from doing something he was really proud of, he wouldn’t be ashamed at all. “What? These things? Oh, they are from when I made something AWESOME.” So he gets bonus husband points for that one.

But I can’t forget how lucky I am to be able to carry a baby around for so long already. I remember doing visualizations during the first trimester to make the baby stay. I feared a miscarriage like many moms do in the early weeks, but baby seems to be happy where he is, and I am grateful he is growing to massive proportions. (I just hope he stays under 10lbs.) I am thrilled to have a pointy frog bottom crushing my ribs. Blissful about bladder punches. Satisfied with swelling. (Actually I loathe the swelling. And the face is the most cruel of all swelling.)

I can’t just sit in the apartment for the next month waiting. Even though I am supposed to take it easy because of my elevated heart rate, Justin and I decided to walk to Loyola Park/Beach. It is a few blocks from our new apartment, and we thought we would see what was happening on one of the most gorgeous days Chicago has seen this year. We were expecting it to be packed. It was not crowded at all. It was perfect.

Does anyone even know about this beach? It is huge and attached to a gorgeous park.

Justin's private life guard

peekaboo

So, there were actually people here. Some kind of patchwork mural on the cement bench barrier was being done.

Good idea.

More pictures here.

35 weeks

I think I might be pregnant forever. That is all.

Guest Post: First Things

Hi, this is Megan’s husband, Justin.  My wife has graciously leased me a tiny corner of MegaGood territory so that I can ramble a bit this afternoon.  I am entirely too inconsistent and self-conscious to build my own spot, so I applaud all of you–especially my wife–for having the courage to share so much in this medium.  You guys (girls?  ladies? moms? dads? cats?) rock.

Here’s a list of First Things that I look forward to seeing/experiencing with my son and my wife.  Feel free to add your own in the comments–things you would look forward to, or things you really remember from past experiences.

The list is in no particular order and I left out many of the obvious specific ones, like hearing him talk or seeing him walk.  I made this list because I am absolutely mind-$#*&^$ by the concept of re-experiencing “Firsts” through the eyes of my kid.  It’s long, and not really funny, and there’s no great pictures, but maybe Megan can edit.

Firsts!

1. He reads his first book. This has a special meaning to me because reading has played such a huge role in my own life.  For as long as I can remember, the written word has been a refuge for me in introvert re-charge times and the catalyst for my imagination.  I can’t wait to see him journey into that world himself.
2. He consciously enjoys the presence of a large family party. I’m not going to lie, my wife and I have pretty large family gatherings from time to time and they are always an awesome time.  I never really appreciated how nice it was to have consistent contact with extended family until we all moved apart.  To see him begin to love and recognize them as we do will be amazing.
3. He competes for the first time. There’s two parts to this really.  I will love to see him work hard for something and succeed.  Maybe even more, I look forward to seeing him lose at something and learn how to handle that well.  It’s cliche but that doesn’t make it any less true.  Winning is good, but having the character to get back up after losing is better and a lot more useful.
4. He makes his first real friends. You know what I mean.  Those friends that are as close or closer than family.  The ones you don’t call for months, then see, and nothing’s changed even though everything has.  Hopefully he’ll get into less trouble with his than I got into with mine, but he’ll know they’re in it together no matter what.
5. He makes his first real contact with nature/animals. This is the Colorado in me.  Growing up in Chicago, he won’t have the instant access to the same world that I did.  But there is something visceral, spiritual, and incredibly important in seeing the beauty of the outside world and realizing the miracle that’s out there.  I hope we can help him see it.
6. He watches Star Wars with him for the first time. Or LOTR—any of the nerd subjects I like.  I know there will probably be a lot of nerd interests he doesn’t share, but everyone likes jedis, right?  Is he going to like Han or Luke?  Maybe he’ll be a weirdo that liked Chewbacca best.  I’ve already called dibs on dressing him as Yoda for Halloween while he’s too young to know better.
7. His first romantic interest awkwardly stumbles along. I imagine this falls into the category of “things I’m not supposed to know about” as far as he’s concerned.  I know his early interactions will be full of heartbreak and an irrational attachment of importance.  I know that seeing him hurt will hurt me too.  I hope I can help when he wants it.
8. He shows empathy and compassion for someone he doesn’t know. Such a basic thing, but still something that I know will affect me deeply when I first see it in him.
9. He moves out! “Hah!” you say.  “You haven’t even changed diapers yet, you have awhile!” you say.  True, but I can only imagine that moment as a supreme mix of pride and pain.
10. My wife teaches him..anything. I picture this as Megan teaching him to draw, paint, or shoot pictures.  I see him learning from her, picking up the amazing gifts that she has.  Everything he learns will be coming at him from two angles, two experiences, and I can’t wait to get to know Megan better through the ways she teaches Baby Boy Boley.