Tick Tock and You Don’t Stop

As if this post couldn’t be more annoying, I went ahead and did THAT title. Let me start out by apologizing if you are reading.

In professional life, you never start out a presentation with an apology. It’s a terrible habit, and ruins whatever you are about to show.

But I AM sorry.

The great thing about the internetssszz is that you can just simply close the page without as much effort as it takes to scratch an itch. So lucky for you, no one is forcing you to read the details of my day.

For the two of you left, what I have done is record in notes and pictures (via my iPhone) a typical day for me (29 weeks pregnant with boy #2) and Benton (a happy little toddler of almost 19 months). Moons is a cat. Schween is too, but she seems to have less impact on our day. J is Justin. He is my husband who works full-time as an attorney here in Chicago.

I have done this exercise maybe two other times since B was born. This will be my last recording of The Minutes with one kid. I want to look back on it in a year and see how different things are.

The day that was recorded was pretty typical and low key. Sometimes we go to the museums or aquarium instead of the park. Or a play date with friends. Sometimes we go out to lunch. And this day happened to include one of the longest naps he has ever had. So that part is not really normal. But he is generally a good 2 hour napper. Sometimes we eat up at the table, and sometimes dinner is in the living room. To some of you, this day may seem luxurious. Others I’m sure will want to sleep after reading it. It’s all relative, eh? Life is nutty.

The Minutes from 1.29.12

4:30 B hollers and I go to his room and lay with him in hopes that we can sleep until 6 or 7 if it is a good day. B settles down and dozes, and I am awake because I am in the 3rd trimester and suffer from pregnancy insomnia and other sleep problems.

6:24 He’s up for real. He starts immediately jabbering and walks out of his room down to the kitchen as I follow. I make coffee, feed B cheese and berries while making oatmeal. I feed the cats, pour coffee, go downstairs with B, turn on WGN morning news, get out the tubs of little cars and animals, do a diaper change, and we share oatmeal.

6:53 Oatmeal w/strawberries is gone.

6:54 B gets all the balls out. He seems to be trying to poop. More coffee. I throw away the nighttime diaper, put breakfast bowls in sink, and B plays with baby doll.

7:00 Second cup of coffee is poured. I spill half ‘n half, note that living room was clean a moment ago, B babbles and names animals, then he throws football at coffee.

7:10 I attempt to check for poop. There is poop. I take off his jammies and change  his diaper while he is holding an elephant. I note that his gums are swollen in several places. I throw away poop diaper in garage, drop off jammies in the washer on way. B chases me back upstairs holding football, says MORE DADA and tries to get into the master bedroom. I put his real pants on and wash my hands. B brings his stuffed puppy downstairs and shares it with his baby doll.

7:15 Coffee is chugged. Milk sippy is chugged. He spills some milk and says “oh no.” I clean up milk and lay out puzzles on the coffee table. B cheers for sports cast highlights on the morning news.

7:25 B plays ball and trains and I watch and name animals and say yay. I delete the bad photos I have taken so far and finish coffee. Check twitter and make a mental note of who is awake and textable. B looks through his books. I have to go to the bathroom so I take all the puzzle pieces out and lay them on table to attempt to go alone. I drop off my empty coffee cup in the kitchen. Moons jumps on my lap while I’m on the toilet. Very typical. I get a glass of water for me and water sippy for B. I drop off the sippy on the downstairs coffee table while B shows me a truck and calls it a “big car.”

7:37 I note my lack of socks. I go upstairs to search for socks in the dark and I get the dirty laundry out. I wrangle Moons and B away from bedroom. I sort the laundry by throwing it over the upstairs railing. B is whining and weird. I give him forest animals and a number tin. I help him open the tin a million times. Then I start laundry downstairs while B un-sorts the piles of laundry. He throws little balls up the stairs.

7:50 All the balls now get thrown back down and then he delivers the forest animals to me. Major whine. Odd. Pooping again? I hold him in my lap.

8:01 Justin opens the bedroom door and asks me if I will pick out his clothes. B yells DADA! Runs! Hugs dada, flops onto our bed, finds a ball for Moons and starts to play, and then weighs himself. I pick out J’s clothes and make the bed. J gets in shower. I pick up socks and discarded clothes and throw them over the railing. B yells and grabs his belly (what?!) and then starts to play with the toys in the bedroom. I hide the baby monitor from his reach, remove cough drops and jelly beans from J’s side of bed, and take water glasses off the side tables. OMG why is B whining? He really isn’t a whiner.

8:10 I pick up the dining room toys B was playing with during the earlier clothing sort, return the empty laundry basket to closet, tell Moons no when she tries to climb closet shelves.

8:15 B asks for more at that at kitchen baby gate. I start scrambled eggs and give him pretzel stick in mean time. Moons and B chase each other while I make eggs. J emerges from bathroom and I get my first text of the day from Erica! I chug water, apply chapstick, text Erica about poops and sleep while cooking eggs. J and B talk in bedroom, “tell mama thank you for the pretzel.” I put the eggs in freezer to cool for a bit.

8:23 I open oven instead of dishwasher to unload…? I throw J empty Target grocery bags so he can scoop the kitty litter downstairs. I smell poop. Poop check. Weird poops. I change another diaper and apply Butt Paste to B. There will be no more kiwi today. I take diaper to garage dumpster, pick up half eaten pretzel from the bathroom floor, wash my hands, and chug water.

8:35 I talk about weird poops with J. He asks about dry cleaning, hugs B and leaves for the day. I put B in his high chair to eat eggs. I return to the kitchen to unload the dishwasher. B finishes eggs and plays with his bowl. I go back over to feed him yogurt. I wipe him up, clear his dishes and wipe the table. We have a brief stair cuddle and he seems happier after the weird poop. I drop off sippy back to coffee table. B makes a moo cow request.

8:45 I go upstairs to pee. Everyone follows. Moons, B, and moo cow. B locks us in.

8:49 I return to the dishwasher and finally finish unloading. I realize it is suspiciously quiet. I check, but nothing weird is happening in the living room. I load dirty dishes into the washer, and chug water. I add cat food, dish soap, and eggs to my shopping list app. I note smell of horrid wet cat food. I add a candle to the list. I round-up all the drinking glasses and a colander from last night’s bath time and add them to the dishwasher. I wipe down the counter and stove top. I spy a tiny bit of coffee left in the pot. Drink.

9:00 I tidy up the living room while B plays basketball, drop my phone for the 4th time, and start the second load of laundry. I retrieve balls from downstairs. I note my hate of the laundry room and add it to the nesting list. Drop phone.

9:13 Chug more water. More chapstick.  Pee again. I toilet text and check twitter. I listen to B play with a bouncy ball in living room. Moons and B run upstairs. He comes into bathroom saying “vroom car. Halp.”

9:19 I say “Elmo” and B runs to the bedroom. I shut and lock the master bedroom door. I play a YouTube playlist of 34 classic Sesame songs while B and moons hang out and watch. I keep the bathroom door open so he can come in if he wants or I can poke my head out to see him. Today is not a shower day. I note that the towels and rug need washing, then spray the shower with Method daily shower cleaner. I wash my face, delete bad photos from the day, and notice a lot of pelvic pressure. B playing with toys on the bed and chewing on his fingers. So much teething. I lay on the bed and B tackles and snuggles.

9:45 I answer my email via phone while B puts a sand shovel in my mouth and then brushes my hair with a fingernail scrub brush. He requests water so I go downstairs to drop off towels in laundry room and get his sippy.

9:50 I pee alone, wipe down bathroom countertop, apply makeup, then drop phone. B comes to ask for help with a monkey toy as I apply mascara.

10:00 I apply belly balm and get dressed and then re-string a necklace. I note my hate for the messy jewelry drawer and add to my nesting list. B steals a bracelet from the drawer. I clean my earrings that I wear every day with an electric toothbrush. I’m hungry and thirsty,

10:15 I turn off YouTube and make sure bathroom cannot be infiltrated by Moons or B. I take the water sippy back down to the living room.

10:19 Chug water. B asks for cheese so I cut up cubes and put them on the baby gate. I steal a couple for meyself. It’s grapefruit time. B tries to wake up moons while I race to eat by myself. I get threes bites before he comes to eat half.

10:28 I load more dishes, B plays with moons, and I remember that I haven’t touched my hair. I turn on my straightener for the bangs, B offers me a sheep and a dolphin. I add bread, gold headband, and breakfast sausage to the shopping list. I pick up B for “I love yous,” then he goes to brush moons with a baby comb.

10:38 I pee again while B tries to climb on my lap, then I quickly brush my hair and put it in a ponytail.

10:42 I get pretzel sticks for me and actually sit down on couch. B steals two, and I finish my email via phone while B and Moons play.

10:45 B breaks forest friend because he was driving it like a car.

10:49 Forest friend glued. B says “oh no” 102838 times and the fixed deer is placed on high self.

10:50 I get the pile of J’s clothes that need dry cleaning. I tell B we are going and he pounds on coat closet. He wants to put slippers on. I put on his shoes and coat. Today he hates the coat. I put him in the stroller in garage.Then I grab my coat and shoes and the dry cleaning in a big Ikea blue bag. There is a very narrow passage out of the garage. I walk carrying the bag. B yells with excitement at the cars and birds.

11:15 Dry cleaning drop off. B talks about birds and cars to the lady. J texts to say I can make beef jerky if I want.

11:20 We arrive at Trader Joes, I give B sample cups to play with while I shop. I use the stroller as a cart.

11:30 Pay, leave and walk home. Hang bag on Mommy Hook. I have to pee. Pelvic pressure.

11:43 We enter via the garage. I unhook the grocery bag and drop it off inside the door.  I get B out of stroller and let him in, and take his coat off, he demands bread that he can see in the grocery bag. I unload the groceries while he eats heel of the loaf of bread.

11:48 Peeing. I am locked in bathroom with B and Moons again. He asks for more bread.

11:50 I heat pea soup, chill B’s soup in the fridge while seasoning mine. He demands more bread. I give him strawberry instead. Then he asks for bread again. He eats that while I finish lunch and put more things in the dishwasher.

11:58 We eat lunch at the table. I check twitter. B says Mmmmm.

12:03 B says all done and claps his hands. He is a pea soup disaster. I wipe his hands and face, remove his shirt and add it to laundry room pile. I get a new shirt for B, finish my soup standing, clear dishes, load dishwasher, and wipe table. B finds a random discarded pretzel stick.

12:10 I change B’s diaper while singing songs, find a kiwi seed in odd place, text J about the seed, update my notes and B crawls all over me and says “no no no no,” then calls for Moons and gets her a Moons ball.

12:17 I put new wipes in changing area, add soap to dish sponge dispenser and B plays ball in the living room. I retrieve a forgotten sippy from stroller diaper bag, pick up other unloaded garage sippys and add them to the dishwasher. I steal a piece of J’s candy. It’s super gross.

12:28 The laundry loads are switched out and the first basket is up for folding. I sit in window folding while Moons bathes on the clean piles. B brings a book over and I read it while he turns the pages. One rips and I tape it. He wants his shoes and socks off and then plays cars while I return to folding.

12:53 The laundry is put away while B is playing ball in the living room. I pick up random stuff upstairs and books that have been pulled off shelf, return laundry basket to downstairs and B steals it. Sit down and he climbs up to snuggle and show me a football. Moons arrives and B leaves to play with her and a string. I check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.

1:00 I ask B if he wants to nap with his puppy. He brings puppy upstairs and goes to his bedroom. I pee, wrangle cats out of room, put socks on him, hand him a book, and fill a bottle with water. I lay with him and read one book, then he asks for water and I turn light out. I lay next to him. My back hurts. 1:15 he is out. I attempt to sleep next to him but I am too uncomfortable. I leave.

1:20 I chug water, apply chapstick, take pants off, lay in my own bed, turn on video monitor next to the bed and attempt to get comfortable. Someone opens and closes their garage eight times and slams car doors in alley while the baby kicks me.

1:32 I fall asleep after ten more minutes.

2:00 B is sitting and crying. This was too short of a nap so I go in and lay with him. He falls asleep with his hands in my shirt.

2:38 I check twitter. My back hurts. I check FB and update my status, organize photos from day, check weather and it looks like we can go to park. Weirdly warm.

3:10 Leave B’s room to pee. I note that the cats are still napping. I do not flush during a nap. I put pants, socks, and slippers back on, remake my bed, and hide the baby monitor.

3:12 I chug water in the kitchen, start tea in the electric kettle, eat a couple of ginger thins, tidy up living room and bring balls upstairs from basement.

3:20 I pour tea. We are now entering bonus nap territory. I eat more ginger thins and add whipped cream and half ‘n half to make the chai tea seem real.

3:27 I  put last load in the dryer. More hate for the laundry room. Then I sit down on the couch to fold.

3:40 I start to worry about how long his nap is and make a mental note to really wear him out at park for a smooth bedtime. Then I text Justin a nap update and park plans. 

3:50 I text Erica about mourning the loss of my own ability to nap, drink more tea, eat a banana, eat a honey wheat pretzel, and put away laundry.

4:04 Concern over the crazy long nap grows. I pee, flush the toilets, text, post to IG, consider making jerky, but don’t want to be caught in the middle of meat slicing when B wakes.

4:08 I heat breakfast sausage for after nap snack. Also add strawberries, ginger thins to a plate.

4:15 The door opens and B walks out. I ask if he had a good nap and if he wants a snack. He takes my hand and pulls me toward the kitchen. I put him in his high chair to eat and he is happy.

4:19 It’s getting dark so we need to hurry. B says mmm after each bite and also “No, Moons.” He seems to be pooping in the high chair. I text Justin about naps, B leans in for kisses, calls Moons with clicky noises, continues eating and pooping, requests songs, points at things and wants me to tell him what they are, and makes silly eating faces. Longest snack ever.

4:31 He signs all done. I get him down for a poop check, then change diaper, sing Pop Goes the Weasel and he adds in the “pop.” I drop off the diaper at the  dumpster in the garage.

4:36 I pee and chug water. Alone! B throws balls downstairs.

4:40 I ask if he wants to go to park, he says  “go go go” and sits in my lap for shoes. He asks for help with dinosaurs…? We get coats, hats, and a football. I put him into stroller the stroller.

4:45 We leave for the park. B points out the real moon in the sky for first time. He yells “choo choo” at the Metra. I text J about the moon discovery.

4:50 We arrive at the park. He stalks big kids, holds football at all times, runs the ramp, fall on slush, talks trucks, digs in wet sand, watches the seesaw, yells “choo choo,” eats sand!?!, slides, does stairs, shares the football, moves little chairs around, kicks a found soccer ball, swings, and climbs.

5:38 I get B into the stroller and leave because he was asking for a hat and a snack. I give him a water sippy to chug.

5:44 We are home. Coats and shoes are taken off and put in closet. I wash our hands. B wants to brush his teeth.

5:47 J says he is leaving the office.

5:50 I pee, put away more clothes in B’s room, and chug water. B yells for a banana but doesn’t  actually want it. I eat banana and a strawberry, he asks for cheese, I preheat oven, dump preseasoned Brussels sprouts into pan and add butter, and pick up random stuff in living room. B plays ball then I put the sprouts in the oven and set the timer.

6:03 I bring the last load of laundry up. B throws all his balls downstairs.

6:05 J arrives home. B yells about balls while J takes his shoes off and throws all the balls back upstairs. I fold clothes and towels and put them away. J changes to sweats on and sits down. J plays catch with B. Then plays mini basketball.

6:18 I check on the oven sprouts and heat the foreman grill. I cut pork loin that was roasted the night before and assemble sandwiches for pressing. There is massive wrestling noise down stairs.

6:35 I assemble plates for B and J and drop them off in the in living room. They are watching 30 Rock. 

6:38 I bring my own plate down and eat. B eats pears and turkey and steals our sandwich crusts.

7:00 J turns on the Bulls game and B watches and plays basketball with J.

7:08 J brings plates up and puts them in dishwasher. I start cleaning up the kitchen. I deliver more pears and a milk sippy to table, pour vinegar down the disposal, and wipe the counters.

7:17 I give J water and a vitamin, take my own vitamins, then accidentally pour water on myself.

7:19 B brings J a book and the tv is off. I chug water in the kitchen, finish cleaning up, and start the dishwasher.

7:24 I lay out pajamas while J reads another book to B downstairs. He yells up for me to start the bath. They read a dinosaur book.

7:25 I run the bath. 

7:27 Feed cats.

7:30 B has bath time with J in charge. There is brief toddler nudity in the living room. I clean up the living room, turn the major lights out, deliver teething meds in bath, pee, and grab the baby lotion. J drops off B in the bed wrapped in towel. I lotion him and sing You are My Sunshine, Goodnight Benton, Twinkle Twinkle little star, and the Rainbow Connection. J fills the humidifier and gets me butt paste for B, and fills his bedside water bottle. I put B in an overnight diaper and footed pjs while singing. I set him up on pillows with his monkey and puppy, we read a book about a new baby coming, and then say goodnight and bye bye to the book. I say “it’s sleepy time now, mama loves you.” I put the book under bed so he doesn’t slip on it if he climbs out.

7:52 Lights out. He turns on his side toward me and has his puppy to spoon. He asks for water then drinks for minute and hands it back. I put it the side of the bed. He lays silently and blinks. He tries to scratch at my chest and I tell him no and hold his hands near puppy. He blinks slowly until 8:03 and then falls asleep. His hands rested on my shoulder. I catch up on the notes I have been taking and while the baby in belly kicks. My back and neck hurt.

8:09 Heavy sleep breathing and little muscle jerks are happening as he falls deeper asleep. I check in on twitter but don’t say anything. 

8:14 It’s time to extract myself gracefully despite a huge belly. My neck muscles are on fire. I remove his towel and lotions from the room and creep out slowly. I close shower doors in the bathroom and kick moons out.

8:20 I pee, turn on the video monitor in our bedroom, change into pjs, wash my face, brush my teeth, and apply oil and lotion to face and belly.

8:36 I pee again. Not kidding.

8:37 I convince J to let me use computer to get my photos off the phone, he is not thrilled at all.

9:23 I’m still using computer because it was broken and then the sync took way longer than I thought it would.

9:30 I’m done with the photo transfer. Bah! I go up to my computer in our bedroom and make a quick slideshow with unedited iPhone pics from day.

10:36 Done. I take Tylenol PM, drink water, pee, put more toilet paper in our bathroom, and lay in bed with 4 pillows. I hope that B doesn’t wake too much in the night and prepare for 4am move to his bed. 

10:44 Lights out. Baby is moving a lot.

10:58 counts how many times I peed today (13?). I text J this number.

11:00 I close my eyes and fall asleep sometime later.

The Up and Up

These pictures are from Friday when it felt a whole lot like spring instead of winter. It was one of those days that idealistic moms-to-be daydream about as they rub their pregnant bellies

Benton and I woke up and he gave me a bunch of kisses and said “I ooou.” This is his short version of “I love you.” We had breakfast  and then went out to Grant Park.

He is completely obsessed with stairs since it is his latest skill, so I thought it would be fun to go to the statue of Grant and let B loose onto the hill. He went nuts for about an hour or so. It was nearly 50 degrees outside, and the sun was almost warm.

I offered him my hand a few times to see if he wanted help on the way down the stairs. Denied. BIG KID. I get it.

After all those stairs, we went to a new restaurant in my south loop hood called Waffles. I was so happy, just sitting there on my date with little B after a fun morning in the park. The waffles were perfect. Sometimes life is so good and simple.

Benton then passed out in the stroller on the way home, and I transferred him to the bed without any trouble. We both napped. Then we went to another park in the afternoon with a million other neighborhood kids. This is completely bonkers in January. The sunset blew my mind. I ended the day with a fabulous tapas dinner with good friends and stayed out way past my bedtime. Just a really sweet day, no?

Not every day is like last Friday. Especially in the winter. Today, I found myself in the familiar winter funk again today. I wish I could say that it wasn’t common for me to feel this way, but I can’t claim that. I don’t like my mood to be so dependent on the weather and I would do almost anything not to feel this way. But it’s extremely hard for me to control. So grey is what I felt. This winter has been so mild so far, that it makes me feel even more silly to feel so low.

I have probably written about winter sadness every year on this blog. I’m tired of writing about it and certainly tired of feeling it. But I figure I may as well stick a few paragraphs in here at the end of some pretty pictures and get it out-of-the-way for 2012. So there you go.

I know that getting out of the house and getting exercise helps. Seeing friends and not being alone too much helps. And sometimes comfort food really does help. Taking photos and posting them here helps me end the day end on a good note. So thanks, little blog. You do me good.

Four Score and What Seems Like a Bajillion Years Ago

Well, lucky YOU!

I just typed and deleted two paragraphs about blogging and why sometimes I do it and other times I don’t. But no one really cares about all that, and I don’t feel the need to apologize or construct some fake blog guilt, because WHO HAS THE TIME? It would be dumb.

Anyway. I’m still here and I am perfectly fine. Yay! Shockingly, I have a lot of energy for someone who parents a toddler and is approaching the third trimester of growing a baby boy. I still don’t sleep through the night and probably won’t for a while, but I am kind of used to it after a couple of years. Most days I can function as a normal human. So, no that is not why I have been away.

The other day, I was looking through some old photos for a #flashbackfriday pic to upload to Instagram. I found myself lost in my DPH (daily picture of happiness) albums from not so long ago but what feels like a lifetime ago. Unexpectedly, I got homesick. A real achy feeling. I missed my dusty camera. My REAL camera. I missed my old neighborhoods. I want to look at things differently again, searching for the DPH that I used to post so religiously each day.

I want to take the time to fall in love with little details and daily moments, and to make capturing and reflecting on them a priority again. I want to celebrate the big things, too. My life is richer now than it was when I created those albums, so why was I achy when I saw them? Do I miss the ritual? The daily reflection? The creativity? The perspective it brought to me? Yes, I suppose I do.

Life is about to change again in a big way this April. In no way will it be easier to photograph and write when I add another person to care for. I know this.

But somehow it has to work.

I am not promising DPH every day again. Or long posts or perfect images that were captured with a real camera and edited on a real computer. But I am promising myself to live with that goal in mind. I’m excited to make this a priority again, and I hope the achy feeling in my heart was just some pent-up awesomeness that is about to come out.

While Justin put Benton to bed tonight, instead of laying in the dark with my glowing phone, I went into the quiet living room with my camera. I captured some shots of the Christmas decorations that I refuse to take down until it snows at least a few inches. These aren’t life-changing photos, but the act of taking them was my first step towards a place I want to get back to. Or forward to. Forward sounds right.

As I Was Saying

to just pick up in the middle of a sentence like I never stopped blogging. Right?

So.

I have a TODDLER.

A toddler who turned ONE last Sunday.

See, look. Obligatory cake picture:

He actually wasn’t as into the cake as I had hoped, but he will learn its goodness in time. What is he into?

BALLS. Bawwls. Balls? BAlls.

Can you see his little mouth all puckered and ready to blurt out “BAHWALL!” for the 892,347th time that day? He likes to say it a lot.

In fact, he thought it would be neat to wake us up at 5:45 a.m. saying “BALllll.” He sits up in bed like he’s just heard a burglar that just must be robbing him of his balls. Alert. He is immediately aware there are balls in the house that he must have. One happened to be in proximity to the bed, so he immediately decided we should have it IN the bed. “BALL.” So he threw it at us in true toddler-dodge-ball fashion. A joy and a delight. But a bit eaarrrrly. 

Our first few weeks of toddlerhood have been an explosion of NEW. He can understand what I am saying to him. He hugs me. He signs a few words that I JUST started teaching him. He squeals and runs to his DADA when he arrives home. There are so many sparks that I can see firing off in his little person mind, and it is exciting to watch.

How am I doing? In one sentence? I’m doing pretty well. Although, clearly, that could be expanded upon. More words are needed. More words, more words. I will write them here.

Pleasantries

Spring is busting out all over. I have almost forgiven Chicago for such a long winter. She takes my breath away when she is in full bloom.

I celebrated my first Mother’s Day with my little family in the sun. It was perfect. All the iPhone photos we took depicted the most amazing spring outing together. Everything all in a row and lovely. It was.

Even though it all seems like a fairytale life, I don’t want to project that image all the time. I don’t mean to say that life isn’t good, because it is. It appears especially good on the surface. On paper. In photos. In this blog. But there is certainly a balance.

Staying home and watching Benton turn from a baby into a kid before my eyes is a blessing. It’s truly the best job I have had, even though I am never off the clock. I am capable of feeling more love and joy than I could have ever imagined. I feel lucky. I do. This is why I don’t like to voice my sorrows or struggles. It makes me appear ungrateful.

I hate being a complainer, especially when I have it so “good.” But I give 125% of myself everyday, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t like asking for help, even though I could use it. I hate to admit that I can’t do it all and my perfectionism is often a curse.

I don’t like admitting that I have been struggling with anxiety in the middle of the night. That I have conversations in my head in the early morning hours that would not be considered remotely pleasant. That I worry about things in the dark that would never be given a second thought in the light of day. That I often feel alone, even when I am never actually by myself.

I have started talking about these things with other moms who have been through similar things. It is helping. If you are one of the ladies I have been conversing with on this subject, thank you so much. It means the world to me.

The Fine Art of Procrastination

I have been doing it for 27 years.

The best thing about procrastination is that I get other random or weird tasks done that I would not normally get think to do. Although the big task remains on the back burner (packing for our move NEXT WEEK), the house is very clean.

Why?

Because how could I possibly pack when the stove needs to be cleaned?

Oh, and look at how the floor under the high chair could use a vinegar scrub.

You know what? Let me just magic eraser the shower door and then I will pack something.

Oh, my masthead really needs a redesign.

The list goes on.

Zone

Everyone has a way of zoning out. I assume.

Do you have an activity or ritual that you are familiar enough with, that it takes little to no effort to do? It eases the active mind into a comfortable resting stupor while still being somewhat awake. Tonight, I zoned out to the point of drooling. I am locked in a non-blinking comfortable stare with my old friend Photoshop.

My starting point was photo of a sewer drain and I let my mind unravel from there.

I took this on a walk yesterday as I giggled about art school to myself.

Translation 1: Sewer Mandala!

Translation 2: Street Lamp Sewer Sparkle Best Time Fun Good

Translation 3: Sewer Rock Candy Iceberg

Wah

I have a mom confession that may cause you to slap your computer. Benton isn’t a crier. He can literally go for days without crying. It is kind of weird. I mean he will cry if he is trying to crawl and does a nose dive into the floor, or gets a shot, or something like that. But otherwise he is not a fussy kid.

I KNOW. We’ve been lucky. Please don’t hit me. However, in the last week, things have changed a bit.

Enter: stranger anxiety. The first time I witnessed anything that might be classified as stranger anxiety was months ago with the pediatrician. He doesn’t like her at all. Waaaaailed when she entered the exam room. I happen to agree with him. Good instincts, little Benton.

The second time was at the cobbler. I go to the cobbler a lot because Justin and I are super rough on shoes. This dude is a super duper crusty old man and B DOES NOT LIKE him. He cried when the man waved and said hello to him. I actually thought it was kind of funny, since he hadn’t had this reaction to anyone else.

Then this weekend, stranger anxiety started in earnest. He seems to be OK after maybe 10 minutes with the new people/surroundings, but at first he will likely wail. Big sad cries. This is out of character for the little man, but I guess it is the phase we are in. I wonder how long it will last…?

Enter: teething. Three razor-sharp objects are pummeling my B’s gums. Teeth are dumb. Except they are necessary to chew food and such, so I guess I will allow it.

His first two teeth came in one-at-a-time without incident, so this is the first taste I have had of a sad teething baby. It is…sad. The last few days have been full of more whimpering and crying than I am used to, and he has definitely been a high-needs baby. I feel so bad for him, but I feel good that I have been able to comfort him. This also means I haven’t been able to put him down hardly at all. He is needy and attached to me.

Today we seem to be coming out of the worst of it, but geeeeez. I tip my hats to you parents who have high-needs babies all the time. Exhausting at best. You must be superheros or something.

P.S. Benton James is now an EIGHT-MONTH-OLD. This hardly seems possible. I don’t have a photo shoot from the day he turned 8 months because of the teething, but here are some recent pictures from his first swing outing at the park.

 

Really?

He was staring down another baby that was five swings away, minding her own business. SHARING IS CARING, B. I cannot comment on the disaster that is his outfit.

Is that a smile? Maybe?

Caught it!

 

 

 

 

 

Newb

When I got pregnant with Benton, I was the only one of my friends in Chicago that was going to be a mom. Since that moment when I saw the two pink lines, I have sought out and welcomed new mom friends into my life, while trying not to completely lame-out on my friends without kids. I hope I’m not failing them.

Last week, my friend Michelle had a baby. In the city. This means I have a new mom friend in Chicago. This is a huge deal to me. And I am sure having a baby was kind of a big deal to her. Just guessing.

On Sunday I got to meet him. Even though he is the same size as B was when I brought him home from the hospital just 8 months ago, he seemed impossibly tiny. He was a breach baby for most of his baking time, so he was extra frogged-up in the leg area. A ball. I wanted to tuck him under my arm like a football and run home. He was perfection.

I taught his mama to wear him in the Moby wrap, and I hope she enjoys having him close to her heart while she gets things done around the house or walks her high-energy canines around the neighborhood. Or just sits on the couch with him. Because there is a lot of that in the first 3 months.

B was being a little pistol, and has recently developed stranger anxiety. The poor dear was extra clingy and nutso, so I had trouble taking proper pictures of the baby. Low light and wild child  B made for some blurry captures, but I think they still ooze sweetness.

Can you see the blurry madness that ensued? Yes.

Oh mylanta. The difference a few months makes. I love seeing Benton grow and change into a little person. But I will admit to you all. I miss the squishy lumpus newborn.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Look at my new house.*

Click for a tour of mah house.*

*KIDDING. Totally kidding.

So here’s the deal. The short story is that we were 99% sure that we were going to leave the city and move to Chesterton, IN next month. Our plan was to live in an apt for 6-12 months while house hunting/building. The schools are good, we could afford a 3-4 bedroom house, it is near the lake, and I know good peoples there. There would be a yard in the near future. A YARD!

Sounds perfect, eh?

Well.

The catch is this this: It would be 1.5 hours into the city, and 1.5 hours out of the city on the train for Justin. Every day. This means he would likely not see B much at all on the weekdays. We had a long talk last Friday night, and I was feeling kind of blindsided and heartbroken. I just had a “sure” idea in my head of where we were going. And a house was in sight. But honestly, I understand why he is weary of the daunting commute. I don’t blame him.

However, I consider myself a fairly adaptable person. I just need a day or so to let new plans sink in.

We woke up on Saturday morning on a mission. We would find a place in the city that worked for all three of us. We will rent for a few more years, until we can afford a decent place in a nearby burb. The goal is to get into a house by the time Benton goes to school. Justin is just starting out his career, and things are going really well for him. So. I am not heartbroken anymore. The house idea is not off the table, it is just pushed back a ways.

By Sunday afternoon, we had toured several different kinds of apartments. My lists of demands were all checked off in the final townhome that we saw. It is located in a residential nook with no thru traffic in the South Loop. 9 minute commute for Justin. And easy public transportation to anywhere in the city from the loop location. Two parks in the nook for me and B. And a walk to Grant Park/lake/museums and aquarium. I can meet my friends who work in the Loop in the park for lunch. The place has a new full-size washer and dryer, a place for cat litter and get this: ATTACHED GARAGE. Life changing for sure.

For you map creepers out there. Here is the new hood. Did I mention I am a couple blocks from Target and Whole Foods? BRAGGING!

I know that maybe three people are still reading this post.

Anyway, I am excited now. Early spring and the move will coincide. I’m looking forward to nesting in a new place. I want to walk outside. Take B to the swings. Meet the other mama’s in the new hood. Go to the gardens in the park. Sit in the sun. THE SUN.

Soon.